


lookalike

by arieslilac



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, hyeop hyeongjun and seungyoun mentioned like once, lots of pov change, no beta we die like men, not that heavy but i hope it makes you cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21571723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arieslilac/pseuds/arieslilac
Summary: 5 times minhee felt guilty for thinking about someone else while being with yunseong and 1 time he decided that this should stop.
Relationships: Hwang Yunseong/Kang Minhee
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	lookalike

**Author's Note:**

> welp i dont think the 5+1 things concept really works on this one but i hope it does because i really have no idea on how to make this works? as usual, for now it’s not proofreaded by a friend i trusted with my life, so forgive me for the grammar and spelling mistake. and also, pls check the tag before reading uwu

** one **

it wasn't the usual friday they have every week. that day was slightly different, but what makes it different?

minhee watched yunseong who is standing in front of the mirror, trying to tie his necktie. minhee really wanted to stay on his bed more, because he have no class in the morning that. but somehow, there was something really different with yunseong. and minhee thought that he won't be able to sleep if he doesn't know what it is.

"hyung, come here," he gestured. the older obeyed, walking towards the younger who was leaning towards the bedhead.

minhee carefully untied yunseong's necktie so that he can tie it correctly for him.

"who did it for you when we weren't dating?" he asked, balancing the tie the way he wants it to be.

"hyeop hyung..."

"oh.”

just from minhee's answer, yunseong can smell the jealousy from him. he chuckles, before his hand move to pinch minhee's nose.

"he is just an acquaintance, you know that, right?" minhee rolled his eyes, as he put all his focus on tying the necktie. "control your jealousy, minhee."

"we never know when you will leave me," the younger replied coldly.

"i won't leave you," yunseong promised, smiling. "i will only leave you when you find someone way better than me, someone you love more than you love me. till then, i will stay here, with you."

"cheesy," the older chuckled at the response. minhee pulled him into a hug once he finished tying the necktie, burying his face into the older's neck. "i love you."

"i love you more."

they didn't let go for a while, and it took minhee almost too much time to realise something. _he found it._

"did you change your cologne, hyung?" he asks, letting go of the hug, arms still looping around his lover's neck.

_the rose's scent is blown away by the wind,_

_even my sorrowful sigh scatters in the void_

_i can't hold onto you,_

_the sight of you walking away, in its form as it is now,_

_i can't hold onto it anymore._

_**red velvet - rose scent breeze** _

"yeah, it smells nice, doesn't it?"

minhee smiled and nodded. he gave yunseong a peck on the lips, before he laid down again and pull the comforter.

"i'm going back to sleep."

"sleep well," the older wished, before planting a kiss on his forehead and leave the room.

the moment minhee was sure that yunseong really leave for work, minhee shifted to the other side of the bed, refusing to face the frames displayed on the desk. guilt began to fill him. unknowingly, a teardrop broke free, followed by a stream of tears that looked like it will never end.

_it smells so nice, yet so familiar._

** two **

when he was asked by hyeongjun, what kind of person would he date?

minhee answered that it's very important for that someone to be left handed. because minhee wants to hold their hand while both of them are working on something.

and that's exactly what happened almost every night.

the two of them will sit on their bed together, yunseong will read a book while minhee will go through his notes, their non-dominant hand holding each other under the blanket.

"focus, minhee," yunseong rubbed small circles on minhee's palm when he realised that minhee was slowly dozing off.

"i'm sleepy," he complained, begin to lean on the older's shoulder.

"finish the last chapter, and go to sleep. i will wake you up early tomorrow."

minhee didn't finish his last chapter and eventually fall asleep on yunseong's shoulder, fingers still intertwining.

minhee can't help but to think of _him_ everytime minhee holds yunseong's hands.

_let me hold your hand,_

_again and again and again,_

_i want you to come back,_

_i want you to love me again._

_**lee hi - hold my hand** _

** three **

usual saturday, the day for grocery. yunseong's favourite day. the day he got to see minhee acting cute just for extra snack. minhee is cute everyday, but on saturday, it just different.

"hyung, i want ice cream."

"we still have some at home, minhee," yunseong said, not even looking at the ice cream isle. _he is going to buy it anyway when minhee starts pouting later._

"you should buy it for him, he looks like he is going to cry."

both minhee and yunseong turned to the owner of the voice. minhee's eyes widened, while yunseong smiled.

"wooseok hyung, you are back."

"i broke up with seungyoun several weeks ago," wooseok shared, as he choose one of the ice cream. "minhee, this is your favourite, right?"

"you know minhee?" yunseong asked, trying to get away from talking about wooseok's story. he knows talking about it will just make the older sadder.

"yeah, a friend of his was my junior in student council," wooseok answered. "i see that you guys are dating now?"

"it's have been 6 months, right?" yunseong turned to minhee, smiling.

"9 months..." minhee didn't get to construct a proper sentence, still shocked to see wooseok there. but yunseong thought minhee is disappointed that he don't remember the exact period.

"it feels so short, i think we need to spend more time together," yunseong quickly covered up before he turned to wooseok again. "so hyung—"

"was it a divorce?" minhee asked, straightforwardly. yunseong was surprised, but wooseok doesn't looks like he was.

"my parents never agree with us getting married, so we never did," wooseok gave them a weak smile. "i hope you guys will invite me to your wedding later."

"it will be a blessing if you are there on the day, hyung," yunseong said. "shall we get lunch together? there is a lot to catch up."

"i would love too, but i already have a date today," wooseok smiled, apologetically. "maybe next saturday?"

"i'm free and i don't think minhee have class, right?" yunseong turned to the younger. minhee nodded.

yunseong and wooseok ended their conversation several minutes later, having to part ways after wooseok received a call, probably from his said date.

minhee can't help, but to drown into the memories from high school.

_wooseok was the one who helped them figure out their feelings._

on their way back home, minhee can't take him out of his mind, even while holding yunseong's warm hand. he wonders, if the _other_ is thinking about him too?

_and i hope,_

_sometimes you wonder 'bout me._

_**taylor swift - i almost do** _

** four **

"minhee! hurry up!"

"coming!"

ugh, they shouldn't have watched frozen last night.

yunseong doesn't really have a problem with being late. after all, he is the boss' younger brother's boyfriend. yeah, why would daniel scold him for what minhee caused? it's minhee's fault that he forced yunseong to watch frozen with him at the cinema at 3 a.m. minhee himself was the reason why he is going to be late for his 9 a.m. class.

"you are wearing my sweater," yunseong said as soon as minhee entered the car.

"should i change?"

"no, you look cute."

other days, minhee will blush at the words. but that day, he was running late, and he had no time for yunseong's casual flirting. yunseong just smiled when the younger didn't give him his desired response, assuming that he was way too worried about being late. well, it's 8:45 at that moment, and minhee's university is 20 minutes away. that doesn't include minhee having to run and find his class.

yunseong decided to turn on the radio, hoping that it will helps his lover calm down.

minhee was fixing his beret when he recognised the song that was playing. he freezed.

_i love you,_

_even though we already broke up._

_i love you,_

_i'll just stay in love._

_we still have a lot of stuff,_

_i can't pretend that i don't know you,_

_i need you,_

_i love you,_

_i love you._

_**jeong sewoon - i love you** _

he can feel a teardrop rolled down his cheek. he leaned back on the car seat, listening to the song, analysing the lyrics.

as if it's on cue, it began to rain. minhee closed his eyes, as memories ran through his mind. god, why he kept thinking about _him_ these days? minhee have someone new now, and maybe _him_ too.

"minhee?" a warm hand reached for minhee's, intertwining their fingers. "are you okay, baby?"

"can we stay home today?" yunseong almost can't hear minhee's slow voice, but he definitely heard 'home'. he took a u-turn at the intersection, turning back to their shared condominium.

minhee went straight to his personal room once they enter. yunseong bites his lower lip, not understanding what have happened.

** five **

"minhee, wake up."

it reminded minhee of that one weekend on winter. _he_ came to take minhee out on a date. only to be told by daniel that minhee is sick. _he_ cancelled their plan and took care of minhee. _his_ voice was so soft when _he_ tried to wake minhee up. the voice that never fails to make minhee fall for _him_ again and again, even if there is no gravity.

minhee reached for his hand, placing it on his own cheek.

"seems like a really bad fever, do you want to go to the clinic?"

minhee shook his head, hand still on top of the other's, making sure that it will never leave. yunseong sighed, as his other hand began to caress minhee's hair.

"baby, are you hungry?"

minhee felt like _he_ kept asking question because _he_ wants to leave him. _no, minhee won't let that happen._

"i want you to stay here," minhee realised that his voice was hoarse.

"get up and drink some water first," minhee nodded, before he sat up, not letting go of the older's hand, nor did he open his eyes. the older struggled pouring water into the glass. thanks god, they always have a jug of water and a glass in their room, or else minhee might miss _him_ while _he_ went to take minhee a glass of water. "here."

minhee sipped the water, just enough so that the pain in his throat will fade away for a while. then, he put it aside, before he pulled the other closer.

minhee place his head on his lover's shoulder, burying his face in yunseong's neck. the scent of the cologne somehow manages to make him feels somewhat, calmer.

"i love you," minhee whispered, hand finally letting go of the other's hand, looping his arms around the older's waist.

"i love you more, baby."

minhee smiled.

_now if i keep my eyes closed he looks just like you,_

_but he'll never stay, they never do._

_now if i keep my eyes closed he feels just like you,_

_but you've been replaced,_

_i'm face to face with someone new._

_**halsey - eyes closed** _

** \+ one **

it's have been two weeks since yunseong last saw minhee, it was when yunseong bumped into him at daniel's office. one month ago, minhee said he needs a break from their relationship.

yunseong wondered, _what have he done wrong?_

he decided to trust minhee and waited for him everyday. he didn't remember when did the last time he lay down on their bed comfortably. yunseong always sleep on the sofa, so he can hear the door if minhee comes back. 

_but minhee never did._

yunseong was over the moon when he got a text from minhee. it was a simple "let's meet at the cafe where we first met."

the cafe was the cafe right in front of kang cooperation's building. they first met three years ago, yunseong was an intern at kang cooperation. he was enjoying his lunch, the cafe was pretty crowded at the moment.

that's when a cute tall guy, came to him, asking if he can sit with yunseong. yunseong nodded and the guy gave him a smile. his meals arrived later and they ate quietly. yunseong can't help, but to admire how cute the guy was.

he learned a few days later that the cute tall guy's name is kang minhee, a student from a private university near kang cooperation's main building. all because they met again in the elevator, and minhee invited yunseong to have lunch with him. he did mention that his brother will be joining, but who knows his brother turned out to be kang daniel, the owner of the company?

yunseong was nervous throughout the meeting, but daniel and minhee made him comfortable. what made everything better, yunseong and daniel grew close later on, daniel told him that he likes yunseong a lot, and he doesn't mind if minhee and yunseong ended up together.

daniel played an important part in getting them together.

and now, if yunseong remember right, it's have been 1 year, 3 months, 2 weeks and 5 days since he confessed to minhee, on minhee's graduation day.

yunseong does have plan to propose to minhee after the younger finishes his master. he began to prepare it all properly since their first anniversary.

_but now, will it happen?_

"hi, hyung," the voice that he missed a lot crashed yunseong's train of thoughts. yunseong looked up, smiling.

his kang minhee is here, standing tall, wearing a beige-coloured long coat, round glasses— _god, how can you made someone so attractive that it made yunseong's heart almost explode everytime he sees him?_

"hi, minhee," minhee smiled, before he took a seat in front of the older. "how have you been?"

"it will be a lie if i said i'm coping with it well," the younger answered, referring to their break. yunseong gave him a smile. minhee's words gave him hope.

_they are not going to break up for real, right?_

their meals arrived a few minutes later. yunseong stole a glance, trying to get a glimpse of minhee's reaction to the food. his eyes usually sparkle when he sees food. minhee's eyes are so pretty when that happens, _when it looks like it hold the entire galaxy in it._

but it doesn't sparkle that day. minhee doesn't even looks like he is interested.

seeing minhee's unusual response, yunseong was slowly losing his appetite. he is worried again. _what is minhee going to say to the point that he looks so passive?_

"let's finish our meals, so we can talk later," the younger spoke, reaching for his utensils. yunseong nodded, listening to him.

just like what happened during their first meeting, they enjoy their meals quietly. yunseong's heart was racing so fast, he felt like it will run away from where it supposed to be. hell, yunseong didn't even know if he chewed his food. he felt like he just put it inside his mouth and swallow it.

they both finished eating after what felt like eternity. they waited for the waitress takes their empty dishes and bring their dessert, before they decided to finally starts talking.

"hyung."

"hmm?"

"whatever i said after this, listen to me till the end, don't leave me until that. can you do that?"

yunseong nodded, even though he knew that no promises can be made. he already felt like crying, he already felt like he wants to run away from the reality and go back to few months ago, when they were happy and yunseong didn't have to worry about minhee leaving him.

_but were they...really happy? or was it just yunseong?_

yunseong shook his head, trying to kick out the thought out of his mind, as he began to focus to whatever minhee's going to say.

_**"i found someone else."** _

yunseong felt like his world just got crumpled to a paper ball, being thrown around by kids. his eyes began to swell with tears.

_**"the truth is, i never loved you."** _

yunseong felt like his heart just broke into million pieces. teardrops began to run down his cheeks. he looked down, avoiding the younger's gaze, silently asking him to continue.

"i realised that i never move on from my ex-boyfriend," minhee continued. he knew he sounds heartless at the moment, but it's hard for him too. "i keep thinking about him while being with you. i keep comparing you with him—no. there is nothing to compare. everything about you reminds me of him."

yunseong clenched his fist, brutally knocking his own thigh under the table, trying to stop himself from crying. question marks begin to appear in his head.

"i don't want that hyung. i don't want to be with you just because you remind me of him. you deserve someone else who is way better than me and—"

"but i want you," yunseong gained courage to look up again, staring at minhee, eyes still full of beads of tears. "i just want you, minhee. i don't need someone else who is way better than you, i just want you. you are perfect for me."

"we can't always have everything we wanted, hyung," minhee sighed. "i'm sorry, yunseong hyung."

"you broke my heart and all you can say is sorry?" yunseong almost, almost shouted at the younger. but he knew better than to create any chaos there. "is this a game to you, kang minhee? was i an experiment? am i that worthless, kang minhee?"

"you don't know a thing—"

"i don't, because you never tell me," minhee close his mouth back, decided to let the older lash out his rage. "you avoid me when i ask you what's wrong. you tell me that you are fine when you are not. you cry out of nowhere and don't let me comfort you. you never say a thing about your past or your life in the university, while i choose to share everything with you. i'm not someone like that until i met you. it's frustrating to me, minhee! it's frustrating when i came to daniel hyung and wooseok hyung and tell them about how you have been acting. they told me that you are not someone like that. you are usually loud, noisy, easygoing, tends to overshare everything, but you are not like that with me! i thought that will stop happening once we reach our anniversary, but it gets worse and worse everyday! do you know how much i suffer because of you, kang minhee? how can you be the reason of my happiness but also the reason of my sorrow? am i not enough, kang minhee?"

yunseong broke down, he can't take it anymore. he have been dealing with it alone for the past 1 year, 3 months, 2 weeks and 5 days.

"i'm sorry, hyung..." minhee looked away, knows well that he is not strong enough to see yunseong crying hard. "i wish we met in a better circumstance in the future," he continued, before he quickly stood up to leave.

but before minhee could walk pass the older, yunseong reached for the hem of minhee's sleeve. minhee turned back to him, biting his lower lip.

"don't stop me, hyung."

"can't you stay, minhee?" yunseong begged, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "don't go. i promise you i will treat you better, i will do anything for you. really. it’s okay if you don’t love me. just stay, i won’t ask for more. please, minhee—"

"you are perfect, hyung," minhee carefully removed yunseong's hand, staring straight into his eyes. "it just that...i can't love you the same way i love him."

yunseong was speechless, he ran out of words to say, to make minhee stays.

"goodbye hyung, take care."

with that, minhee left the cafe.

yunseong sat there, staring at the wall blankly, not minding other customers who saw the entire scenario unfold.

at that moment, a song began to play and yunseong started to cry again.

_i blame on you_

_past the time that can't be reached_

_i blame on you_

_the scattered pieces of that day_

_follow the waves that resemble longing_

_in this season that makes me cry_

_i blame on you_

_to you, who cannot be touched by me_

_**taeyeon - i blame on you** _

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, never find someone new until you really move on from your ex.
> 
> anyway, guess who is left handed and close with minhee? hint: starshipz
> 
> :D


End file.
